An evening of laughs with Obama at Gridiron dinner

U.S. Senator Barack Obama stole the show at the Gridiron Dinner in Washington, D.C. last weekend.

The annual dinner is a roast among politicians and media, and Obama, the freshman senator from Illinois, held little back, poking fun at himself, Vice President Dick Cheney and the Democratic Party.

Obama opened with a show of pleasure for the “extravaganza” of the evening, attended by Bush, Cheney, half the Cabinet, Chief Justice John Roberts Jr., the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff and a cast of media stars.

“Men in tails. Women in gowns,” Obama marveled. “An orchestra playing, as folks reminisce about the good old days. Kind of like dinner at the Kerrys’.

“Nice to see you, Mr. President and Mrs. Bush,” Obama said to the president seated to his right and first lady to his left. “I think it takes a great spirit for the president, who we all know is an early riser, to sit here until midnight and hear himself lampooned, when he could be back at the White House enjoying a quiet, peaceful night, watching TV and approving secret wiretaps.”

“The truth is, I’m terrified to be here,” he said. “Not because you’re such a tough audience, but because they’re serving drinks, I’m standing about 30 yards from the vice president and I’m a lawyer. The only thing that could make this more dangerous is if he considered me a friend.

“Mr. Vice President, I know you came here expecting to be a target, which, it turns out, may prove easier for you than shooting at one,” said Obama. “But I do want to thank you. For years, we Democrats have succeeded in doing little more than shooting ourselves in the foot. You’ve taught us a valuable lesson,” Obama told Cheney. “Aim higher.”

There’s probably only one person more sick of these jokes than you, and that’s your wife,” Obama continued. “It’s an honor to share this stage with Lynne Cheney—a great personage in her own right. Scholar. Author. A few years ago, she wrote a book called, “Telling the Truth,” or as they call it in the vice president’s office, “Telling the truth—24 hours later.”

“This appearance is really the capstone of an incredible 18 months,” Obama said, turning to his own brief career in the U.S. Senate. “I’ve been very blessed. Keynote speaker at the Democratic convention. The cover of Newsweek. My book made the best-seller list. I just won a Grammy for reading it on tape. And I’ve had the chance to speak not once but twice before the Gridiron Club. “Really, what else is there to do?” he asked. “Well, I guess I could pass a law or something.

“About that book, some folks thought it was a little presumptuous to write an autobiography at the age of 33,” the senator said. “But people seemed to like it. So now I’m working on volume two—the Senate months. My remarkable journey from 99th in seniority to 98th. “Believe me, when you’re the last guy to ask questions at every committee hearing, you have plenty of time to collect your thoughts,” he said. “Especially when Joe Biden’s on the committee.

“By the way, before I forget,” Obama prodded the media rich audience. “Raise your hand if Karl Rove didn’t tell you about Valerie Plame. Some folks say you’ve lost your investigative intensity. You were a little slow to question the weapons of mass destruction. Maybe got a little used on that whole Valerie Plame thing. But, by God, you brought Dick Cheney to justice, and the world’s better off for it.

Turning on his party, Obama said: “You know, the Gridiron Club is an aging institution with a long, proud history, known today primarily for providing a forum for jokes. “To some,” he said, “that may sound like the Democratic Party.

“You hear this constant refrain from our critics that Democrats don’t stand for anything. That’s really unfair,” he said. “We do stand for anything.

“The Republicans have been poking fun at Democrats for not being united behind a single voice in our party,” Obama said. “I think that’s unfair, and it smacks a little of sexism. And just because the leading voice in our party is a strong-willed, outspoken liberal woman with a famous husband does not mean the Democrats are adrift—and I, for one, want to thank Barbara Streisand for her great leadership.

“I’m sick of people attacking Democrats as being out of touch, saying we lose elections because we’re all a bunch of snobby intellectuals who can’t speak the common man’s language,” he said. “I mean, what kind of a supercilious argument is that?

“Take John Edwards. He’s leading a new war on poverty— from his Chapel Hill estate. And he’s educating us. I had no idea there was so much poverty in New Hampshire.”

“I mean, wow, it really has been a rough period for you, Mr. President,” Obama said. “I missed the Oscars, so when I picked up the paper the next morning and saw “Crash” in the headlines, I just assumed it was another Bush poll story.

“And how about that ports deal?’” he added, with a reference to the attempted takeover of several U.S. port operations by an Arab firm and a shot at Bush’s experience with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. “I feel for you, sir. It’s tough getting trapped in a storm, when no one comes to help.”

“And then there’s the flap about global warming,” Obama said. “You know, the Bush administration’s been a little skeptical about the whole concept of global warming. It’s actually not the warming part they question. It’s the globe.The president was so excited about Tom Friedman’s book, “The World is Flat.” As soon as he saw the title, he said, ‘You see? I was right.’”

“I was told that this dinner is off the record,” Obama said, moving on to the National Security Agency’s warrantless domestic eavesdropping in search for terrorists. “No taping or recording of this event, unless, of course, secretly authorized by the president. I completely trust the president with that authority, by the way. But just out of an abundance of caution, and not implying anything, I’ve asked my staff to conduct all phone conversations in the Kenyan dialect of Luo.

“Truth is, this domestic spying has all kinds of useful applications for homeland security,” he said. “And I have a suggestion in this regard, Mr. President: you can spy on the Weather Channel, and find out when big storms are coming.

“You all watch the winter Olympics?” he asked. “I’m sure a lot of us in politics were following that figure skating, because we can identify with performers who spin wildly and sometimes fall on their butts. I also enjoyed that biathlon, where they ski and shoot at the same time. Probably not your sport, Mr. Vice President.”

Obama closed with thanks for all the celebrity he has found during his brief tenure. “Most of all, I want to thank you for all the generous advancecoverage you’ve given me in anticipation of a successful career,” he said. “When I actually do something, we’ll let you know.”