Script falls flat in Rock’s remake of ’72 morality play

Kam Williams

On the surface, it sure looks like Richard Cooper (Chris Rock) is living the American dream. By day, he has a great job as an investment banker in midtown Manhattan, complete with corner office and breathtaking view. In the evenings, he retreats to his spacious home in the suburbs where he is welcomed by his beautiful wife Brenda (Gina Torres) and a couple of adorable, well-behaved young children.

So what’s wrong with this picture? Well, despite all the trappings of success, the pizzazz has gone out of the Coopers’ marriage. They both have demanding careers and, between work and caring for the kids, they haven’t made love in ages.

This asexual state of affairs seems to suit Brenda just fine, but it’s been driving Richard up a wall. He finds himself with an ever-wandering eye, fantasizing about every attractive woman who crosses his path.

Finally, an opportunity presents itself when old acquaintance Nikki Tru (Kerry Washington) suddenly resurfaces after eight years. She used to date Richard’s buddy Nelson (Orlando Jones), but they broke up ages ago. Now, Nikki says she’d like to be friends with Richard — and against his better judgment, he agrees.

Their daytime liaisons start off innocently enough, but lunch escalates to lust soon after she asks Richard a very personal question — namely, whether he and his wife are still intimate. Richard’s admission that they aren’t only encourages Nikki to confess that she has designs on him.

Will the availability of an irresistible temptress lead Richard to break his marriage vows? This is the driving question behind “I Think I Love My Wife,” a romantic comedy very loosely based on “Chloe in the Afternoon,” Eric Rohmer’s relatively cerebral 1972 morality play exploring the meaning of infidelity.

This Americanized adaptation stars Rock, who also directed and overhauled the script, turning it into a barely recognizable, formulaic sitcom. And forget about the palpable tension created in the original by the protagonist’s predicament — this transparent tale takes his cues from its spoiler of a title, so everybody knows from the beginning which of the ladies in this love triangle will ultimately be the loser.

Worse than its predictability is the fact that “I Think I Love My Wife” isn’t even funny. It essentially consists of a series of vaguely familiar skits lifted from a variety of other cinematic adventures, such as the bit where Viagra triggers a painful case of priapism (see: 2006’s “Scary Movie 4” and a host of other teen comedies). Then there’s the ubiquitous drugstore scene where a guy’s plan to purchase condoms secretly is turned into a source of embarrassment by an insensitive clerk. This rip-off even has the nerve to recreate the seduction scenario from “The Graduate,” complete with the famous silhouette of the raised leg featured in that classic’s poster.

You’ll likely find the dialogue equally disappointing, unless you enjoy an endless indulgence in profanities and the n-word entertaining. In the process, Rock squanders the services of a very talented cast, including co-stars Kerry Washington and Gina Torres, veteran character actors Steve Buscemi and Edward Herrmann, and the frequently very colorful — but unremarkable here in his big screen debut — Stephen A. Smith of ESPN.

It all adds up to make Rock’s film an uncreative, unoriginal exercise in the obvious. Richard may think he loves his wife, but I think I hated this movie.