Are we paying attention? Not that what has been happening across the country and here in Massachusetts is new, but you cannot turn on the radio, watch TV or read a paper without the horrible news that yet another child, woman or man has been killed as a result of domestic violence.

A Lynn man kidnaps his ex-girlfriend and blows up an elevator with them in it. A Springfield man douses his car containing his two children in gasoline in front of his ex-girlfriend’s workplace and sets it on fire, killing their children and committing suicide. In Roxbury, an apparent domestic dispute leaves two people burned with life-threatening injuries. In Worcester, a man stabs his pregnant ex-girlfriend to death. All of this in the month of March, a month where we should be celebrating women. I ask again, are we paying attention?

As I look at the extreme incidents of domestic violence that make the headlines and the evening news, it occurs to me that while these sad stories have a horror all their own, some good can come of them. They should be an opportunity to get a message out to anyone who is being victimized: you are not alone. Help is available. All too often, victims of abuse feel isolated. In the case of the young mother who was killed in the elevator at work, her co-workers said they would have tried to help her if only they had known. We don’t know why she never spoke up, but many others like her have spoken of their shame, of their feeling that the domestic violence in their lives is something they should be able to handle on their own. It isn’t.

As a community, we need to pay more attention. Batterers and victims have families, friends, co-workers and teammates. All too often, those people feel they have no right to interfere, or they are afraid they will make things worse, or become targets themselves. Meanwhile, innocent lives are sacrificed because of the outrageous perception that domestic violence is still “a private matter.” It isn’t. It is an issue that belongs to us all. Doing nothing guarantees we will see many more victims suffer and even die at the hands of batterers who are not being held accountable by us as individuals and as a community. Acknowledging that a family member or friend is a batterer or a victim is not a betrayal; it is accepting the truth and trying to help them. In the most extreme cases, it is life-saving work.

I hope we are paying attention now, and I hope we can help change a mindset that keeps us from facing up to an uncomfortable reality and becoming part of that change. Domestic violence is not a private matter and it is not something you have to handle alone. Reach out to SafeLink if you or someone you know is a victim: 877-785-2020. It is free and confidential.

Georgianna Melendez
Executive Director
Casa Myrna Vazquez, Inc.